Tag: parenting

Parents get to KNOW your kids

As a parent, we do our best to raise our kids to be decent individuals. Even though there are tons of books on parenting, it’s just a role that you have to learn once your in it.

Some of the biggest mistakes that parents make is set the idea of who their child is in their heads versus learning who their child really is. Parents can have the thought that their child will get high marks in school like they did or become that all-star athlete like they were and it’s not fair. Parents also raise their children to be a certain way, obtain certain values and when that child goes astray, we sit and wonder “why?”.

Please do not take this post as me saying that we can’t set rules and the tone for the upbringing of our children. My point is that a certain point in the adolescent/young adult stage, we need to communicate with our kids. We need to understand their voice, likes/dislikes, how they see the world and thoughts about love, etc. Once this happens, your son or daughter will present their true selves to you. It doesn’t mean we have to agree or even like it, but we do have to show Respect to them.

Thank you for reading!

Nicole Cherise ♥️

Child’s love, Parent’s Love

I tell my son that I love him everyday. Many don’t feel the need to do that and would rather show it through their actions. Guess what? That’s perfectly fine. My Love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. Therefore, I will let others know how I feel and expect the same back, to feel loved. I love to give hugs and cuddles, so of course I love that back lol. However, As a mother, I also realize that children, express their love differently and like to receive love differently.

As parents, I think it’s vital to recognize both love languages of our own and of our children. The last thing that we want is for them to feel as if that component was missing in their childhood. We need to discover the layers to our children and unlock the layers of ourselves.

How do you all feel about that?

Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays!

Nicole Cherise ♥️

Parenting


Many parents don’t realize how vital their role is in their child(s) life. Being a parent is hard work, however, these little people are worth it. As parents, we have to teach, nourish and protect our little ones. The world is huge and mean, we have to help them be decent civilians. As a parent, we should speak Life, Health, and Success over our children. As we know, people will do their best to tear us down, so giving our children great esteem boosters will help them in those situations. 

My son is the blessing that prayed for. My son has taught me how to be a mother and he’s also taught me things about myself and husband. Days like today, when I’m not feeling well, seeing him smile and cheer when I enter the room, makes my heart skip a beat.
 Yes, I get overwhelmed. Yes the “terrible twos” are terrible. Yes, I constantly worry about his safety and well being. Yes, I’m constantly thinking “what am I doing? Or “am I a good mother?” Yes, everyday is a new day and adventure. Yes, he’s taught me to not compare children and that no two babies are alike. He has made me realize, the special privilege that I have of being his mother. 
Parenting. Definitely hard work and can be stressful, but it’s worth it!

Thanks for reading!
Nicole Cherise ❤️ 

Oh Baby! Bowlby’s Attachment Theory

Welcome to parenthood!

Life as you know will forever be different. From the pregnancy to delivery to having a newborn in your arms.
Sleeping in late? Ha ha! That’s done… for now at least. Well sleeping at night is a joke too because more than likely your little one wants to play, be held or is more fussy.
Feedings, burping, spit-ups, funny faces, dirty diapers, coos and of course some crying all new territory for first time parents but can be a walk around the block for “been there done that” parents.

As a new mom to a baby boy, I’ve gone through so many highs and lows of emotions. Every little move he makes has me on my toes wondering are u ok? When his eyes does meet with mine, does he see how much I love him? Or does he at least feel secure or protected? As a psychology major this brings me back to the attachment theory of Bowlby.

Bowlby’s attachment theory-
Evolutionary theory of attachment (e.g. Bowlby, Harlow, Lorenz) suggests that children come into the world biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others, because this will help them to survive. The infant produces innate ‘social releaser’ behaviors such as crying and smiling that stimulate innate caregiving responses from adults. The determinant of attachment is not food but care and responsiveness.

Bowlby suggested that a child would initially form only one primary attachment (monotropy) and that the attachment figure acted as a secure base for exploring the world. The attachment relationship acts as a prototype for all future social relationships so disrupting it can have severe consequences.

This theory also suggests that there is a critical period for developing an attachment (about 0 -5 years). If an attachment has not developed during this period then the child will suffer from irreversible developmental consequences, such as reduced intelligence and increased aggression. (Info from simply psychology.org)

Interesting findings huh? Of course this is a theory however it does make a lot of sense. I do believe that the nurturing of a baby in the infant stages does play a role with their mood, and overall interactions with other people.

Another psychologist, Harlow did an experiment using infant Monkeys. In this day, the experiment is considered cruel and unethical however I find the study to be an interesting expansion from Bowlby’s theory.

The experiment used two groups of monkeys that was taken away from their biological mother after birth. The study included surrogate mothers one that was made of wire and a terry cloth surrogate mother both that provided food. After each feeding the monkeys would always return to the cloth surrogate. Even when an object that posed as a threat was presented, the monkeys ran to the cloth surrogate for protection oppose to the wire surrogate.

According to the article by simplypsychology.org, “These infants were highly dependent on their mothers for nutrition, protection, comfort and socialization. What exactly, though, was the basis of the bond?

The behavioral theory of attachment would suggest that an infant would form an attachment with a carer that provides food. In contrast the evolutionary theory would suggest that infants have an innate (biological) need to touch and cling to something for emotional comfort.

This surrogate was more effective in decreasing the youngsters fear. The infant would explore more when the cloth mother was present. This supports the evolutionary theory of attachment, in that it is the sensitive response and security of the caregiver that is important (as apposed to the provision of food).

Harlow concluded that for a monkey to develop normally s/he must have some interaction with an object to which they can cling during the first months of life (critical period). Clinging is a natural response – in times of stress the monkey runs to the object to which it normally clings as if the clinging decreases the stress.”

What are your thoughts on both theories? With Harlow, it makes sense to me because when a baby is scared he or she needs to feel safe and secure. If the baby isn’t getting that connection from their caregiver, it may be possible for anxiety or trust issues to arise in social relationship as he or she gets older. It’s the act of survival.

As a new parent I will do my best to protect my son, make him feel secure while he does explore on his own during different development stages.

Thoughts?

Nikki
*disclaimer- this is My blog so I did Not use proper APA format*